wakey wakey hands off snakey
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I deserve this hangover.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
