and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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