You smell like stripper and shame
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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