we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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