Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
