I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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