Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
