After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
