I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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