Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
