I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
