I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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