God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
