I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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