You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.