Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
They are going to name an STD after you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
