remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
