I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
