oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
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Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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