He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
