When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
