i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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