She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
