no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
