i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Randomize
