so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
