pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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