the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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