Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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