spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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