i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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