i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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