I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
