The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
