Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
