I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
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