a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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