I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
