I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
