On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
