the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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