it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
