it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
