i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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