Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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