Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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