Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
