Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
