Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
