I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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