I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
