Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
