fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
