Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
