Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
