Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
another moral hangover. fuck.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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