You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
