Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We got so high we made milksteak
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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