i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
