I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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