Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
BRING THE BAGELS
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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