She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
