i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
