i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
