she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
