This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
jump out the window naked night went bad
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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