I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
