He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
