please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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