Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
