He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
