Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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