Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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