it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
